See, between my over involvement with the parish in numerous ministries, my job and my family, I was living multiple lives. I was this person here, another there and not to mention the person I took on after dark. I was lying to myself, in fact, I wasnt too sure who I was already. I saw the opportunity to be in a community that would keep me out of trouble. Haha! lol!
I laugh because I was expecting something totally contrary to Gods plan.
I soon found out that the others in my community were just as bad as I was. We were all sinners, and are still sinners to this day. I experienced a constant urge to quit or to see if it was possible to join another community elsewhere. My brothers and sisters in community were irritating me so bad. Not to mention that I was sort of the odd ball. Majority of them were in their older years, old enough to be my grandparents. The others below me, were too young to understand me. I was constantly in crisis with this.
Growing up I was always told, God has a plan. I prayed constantly for God to reveal His plan in all of this. I couldnt understand at the moment why he put me in this group. Here I was again, looking at the other. Trying to pin my problems on something exterior. All along, the problem was within me.
I have come to realize that this was not coincidence. My pride needed to be humbled. My want for control needed to be wiped away. My concept of independence needed to be re-evaluated. These were issues that I never realized until being faced with them in my community. The struggle is real even today.
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